I posted this a week or so ago on BariatricPal.com and just realized I never shared it on my own blog - DOH!
Tasty protein packed recipe: Spicy Black Bean Purée (3 servings, 1/2 cup)
1 can organic black beans, rinsed and drained
2 tbsp fat free Greek yogurt
1 tsp balsamic vinegar
1 scoop protein power (unjur.y unflavored) - you can add 2 if u want but 1 disappears completely
Salt, pepper, dried parsley, cayenne to taste
Purée in a cuisinart until smooth- adjust Greek yogurt if you want it creamier. Delicious, and a half cup serving has 12g protein.
The spiciness of the cayenne hides the protein powder taste really well. I pack up 1/2 cup servings of this to take to work, and it's great as a 1/4 cup serving with a bit of Laughing Cow light garlic & herbs.
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
IT HAS BEEN DONE
No update in 2 months? What's been going on?!
Sorry guys - Things got a little crazy. First my husband and I have been prepping for the Holiday Retail Season that is fast approaching, and second - getting a gastric bypass is like a second full time job. If anyone tells you that they had RNY surgery and went back to work a week later - take a photo of them and sell it to the newspaper because you have just met a goddamn superhuman/alien.
So let's get into the meat of the SBB Surgery story.
Two Week Pre-Surgery "Liquid" Diet
My surgeon seemed a little annoyed when I went in 2 weeks before surgery and I'd actually gained a little weight - almost 8 pounds!! And little did he know I'd actually lost 7 lbs in the 2 weeks before I went to see him. Basically through August I was gaining weight from stress and quitting smoking AND starting birth control under my surgeon's orders. And September I was doing everything in my power to get it under control, but the surgeon was not interested in excuses. When I asked him about the extra weight, he said, (and I'm quoting) "Lose it."
Part of me wanted to throw my handbag at him at that point. OH GEE DOC REALLY?
Originally he'd said it wasn't necessary for anyone under 350lbs to do the "liver shrinking" diet, but I insisted I wanted to do it anyway. And I am glad I did. For the last four weeks I'd been struggling with doubt and frustration - mainly doubting my ability to be compliant with the post surgery diet. What if I'm one of those people that doesn't lose their hunger? what if I end up over eating and hurting myself? The surgery isn't going to change my brain - have I done enough therapy and work on myself yet? Am i capable of doing this?
These are no doubt questions that you guys have struggled with at some point if you're in the process of WLS, and they're pretty healthy.
Of course, all of this positivity is in hindsight. When I realized I'd really have to do this two week diet and my eating habits were going to change so drastically overnight without the help of the surgery, I admit it: I PANICKED. On the way home from the surgeon's office, I stopped at my favorite chili dog place and ordered boldly like I had nothing to live for, no shame, I didn't even get it to go and pretend it was for two people. "Two foot longs with chili, onions, mustard - a diet coke, and a side of fries. I'll be in that booth. Thanks." I made it halfway through the second dog before I managed to shake myself out of my panicked eating and send this email to my personal nutritionist (who specializes in eating disorders):
Hi! So I just saw dr *** this afternoon and he thinks I should do a Liquid diet starting asap to make the procedure safer. I'm freaking out a little bit, I'm scared that I'll mess it up . I want to make the surgery safer, I'll do whatever it takes to reduce my chance of death/complications, but 20 minutes ago on the way back from his office, I just panicked super hard. I got hungry (physically) while I was at the dr office for longer than I thought, and afterwards I just drove straight to jack and Jill's. Ordered 2 foot longs and fries. Can't believe it but I already ate both the footlongs and now I feel like I can think again. I also feel incredibly gross, overly full, and ashamed because I knew going into the 2nd one that I wasn't actually hungry for it. The fries are going to go into the garbage at least.
I'm experiencing total lack of confidence that I can actually do the liquid diet for a week and half- and now I'm freaking out the I'm not going to be compliant on the post surgery diet. I really want this Nd I know I need this. I just don't know if I can, and I really need someone to tell me that I can do it. Sorry to sound crazy over email- I'm literally still sitting in jack and Jill's.
Met with D*** too and she said that I won't even feel hunger after the surgery And it's going to change my feelings about food. That sounds so freeing, but from where I'm sitting (at jack and Jill's) it's really hard to even imagine.
I'm starting the liquid diet tonight - Hell or high water.
So just wanted to drop you a line; having a pretty rough day. We can talk about it tomorrow.
Best,
SBB
The next day was a whole new day. I started the diet, and And I was able to stick with it. For two whole weeks! I truly surprised myself, and gained a crucial bump in self confidence right before the surgery. Heck yes. I can do this. I am capable of following my surgeon's plan.
Two Week "Liver Shrinking" Guidelines - Low carb, Low sugar protein drinks with at least 20 grams of protein 4 times a day, plus a simple lean protein dinner with as many steamed green veggies as I could handle. No sauces or condiments beyond salt and pepper.
I fell in love with these amazing organic protein drinks that fit every guideline of my surgeon's plan - and tasted a whole lot better than Boost. For dinner I usually made a couple pieces of grilled chicken with a mountain of green beans.
The next couple weeks went by incredibly fast, and before i knew it - it was Monday October 6, 6:00am and I weighed 306 lbs before going under the knife.
Surgery - BIG DAY :)
First, pre-op photos!
Okay - so my hair looks bad but I'm clearly in good spirits.
A very sweet nurse (clearly a morning person) took my husband and I to a private pre-surgery room where I changed and they verified all the details of the surgery and my medical history. They also gave me an acid reducer, a shot for blood clots, an IV of saline or whatever, and some fancy socks with tread.
Here I am in my gown right before they gave me something that "felt like a Margarita" and I apparently asked for some to-go. Then they whisked me away - down the hall to the operating room. This next part is a bit fuzzy and not at all as scary as I thought it would be (Thanks to the magic Margarita in my IV). With the help of what seemed like a million hands I managed to get up onto the operating table and then everything went delightfully fuzzy.
Next thing I know, my eyes are closed and I'm sort of opening them and there's a lady telling me to wake up. Apparently satisfied that I'm alive and breathing on my own, they let me go back to sleep. And next thing I know - I'm waking up in a very nice private room with my husband by my side.
Day 1: According to my husband it was near impossible to take a serious photo of me while on the morphine drip. Most of the day is spent sleeping and walking.
Day 2: They bring a PUPPY to my bed so I can pet it. Her name was Sophia and she was a labradoodle therapy dog. I can breathe without the nose oxygen thingie. Except later I take a nap and all the nurses come rushing in because I'm not getting enough oxygen, so they put the nose thing back in. :( They teach me how to empty and clean my drain with alcohol swabs.They forget to mention that I need to change the bandages daily once I get home, but I figured that out on my own later. Spend most of the day sleeping, walking with a nice lady named Wendy, and showing my mom how to put Real Housewives of New Jersey on my room tv. Then we get to do the barium swallow - which actually involved swallowing two weird liquids and two x-rays. Barium tasted like strawberry milk with chalk in it. I am leak free.
Day 3: The nurses are probably sick of me because I keep asking to go for a walk. My husband is at work so my mom is there to take me home. I'm still really out of it and a little cranky, but they put me in a wheelchair. Vicodin makes me feel like a champ and I offer to walk to the car, but wiser heads prevail and I stay in the wheelchair.
The next week kind of all blends together - with one overwhelming theme: My friends and family are amazing. Every day someone was there to walk with me or check in on me to make sure I was still breathing and moving. I still get a little emotional when i think about how great my girlfriends were - and how unexpected it was - I guess I never thought I deserved that much attention, but knowing that people cared about me made next couple weeks feel so much easier.
My Advice: Walking alone is a little scary after surgery. Get at least 3-4 walking buddies on call -Work around their schedule. But try to keep track of who is available, while being considerate of their schedule. It's great motivation - and if you have a dog, your buddy can walk the dog while you hobble alongside.
Now: 3 weeks post surgery
Well I've had to get my pain medication refilled 2 times - there's a stitch on my side that is incredibly painful if I overexert myself or try to use my abdominal muscles too much. Today I am pain-medication free for the first time, but by the time I get home tonight I'll probably need a little bit to help me sleep without pain.
Walking is my new favorite hobby. it's freakin' gorgeous outside, the leaves are changing and my neighborhood is fully Halloween'ed out. I bought new walking boots, and I'm getting between 2-3 miles a day- exploring parts of my neighborhood that I didn't even new existed. Even found a nicer walking route to work!
Hunger was nonexistent for the first 3 weeks. Now I'm starting to recognize when I need to eat. If I haven't had enough protein, my energy level plummets at about 6pm and I can't even think straight. But days like today, where I get in 40g of protein by lunchtime, I actually feel pretty great even at 6pm!
Now that I'm on pureed foods, getting in the protein is a lot easier. Pureed tuna and cottage cheese are my main methods of getting it now - So sick of protein powder and broth, but occasionally I have to still make a cup of hot chicken stock with Unjury Chicken Soup Flavored powder if my protein levels are low and I know I need to get something in me. And I discovered an easy way to mix up my Unjury Chicken Soups, by adding a little spoonful of pureed cannelloni beans with herbs and garlic to thicken and flavor. Scrambled eggs used to be one of my favorite foods - now they taste awful, so sadly not for me anymore.
Dumping: I've only had one bad reaction to food. Week 2, I tried some cream of celery soup and it ROCKED my guts. I was nauseated, bloated, grumbling, and shitting for 3 hours. I can't even look at canned soups anymore. it was disgusting, and I couldn't bring myself to eat anything but broth and water for the next 36 hours. I know it will happen again if I stray, so I'm almost glad it happened. I am walking the straight and narrow from now on. There's a tray of candy on the desk at the shop for halloween (ironically KitKats and reeses cups) and they hold zero appeal.
Not having hunger is absolutely FREEING. I am so happy I can't stop smiling. I feel like this huge weight has lifted off my shoulders, and while I know my hunger will come back sometime in the next six months to a year, I'm really enjoying this opportunity to live without my food preoccupation.
Weird Temperature Stuff: Sometimes after I eat I get freezing cold. My hands and my feet are literally cold to the touch, and I get the chills. I've been spending an hour after each meal snuggled under a blanket. Alternatively I walked to work today (3/4 mile) and while it's not the easiest walk - it's not like a march through Death Valley. Nevertheless now I can't seem to cool off! I've been here an hour and my skin is still hot. My face is so flushed that the mailman just asked if I have sunburn!
Highest Weight: 320
Weight at Surgery: 306
Current Weight: 287
Sorry guys - Things got a little crazy. First my husband and I have been prepping for the Holiday Retail Season that is fast approaching, and second - getting a gastric bypass is like a second full time job. If anyone tells you that they had RNY surgery and went back to work a week later - take a photo of them and sell it to the newspaper because you have just met a goddamn superhuman/alien.
So let's get into the meat of the SBB Surgery story.
Two Week Pre-Surgery "Liquid" Diet
My surgeon seemed a little annoyed when I went in 2 weeks before surgery and I'd actually gained a little weight - almost 8 pounds!! And little did he know I'd actually lost 7 lbs in the 2 weeks before I went to see him. Basically through August I was gaining weight from stress and quitting smoking AND starting birth control under my surgeon's orders. And September I was doing everything in my power to get it under control, but the surgeon was not interested in excuses. When I asked him about the extra weight, he said, (and I'm quoting) "Lose it."
Part of me wanted to throw my handbag at him at that point. OH GEE DOC REALLY?
Originally he'd said it wasn't necessary for anyone under 350lbs to do the "liver shrinking" diet, but I insisted I wanted to do it anyway. And I am glad I did. For the last four weeks I'd been struggling with doubt and frustration - mainly doubting my ability to be compliant with the post surgery diet. What if I'm one of those people that doesn't lose their hunger? what if I end up over eating and hurting myself? The surgery isn't going to change my brain - have I done enough therapy and work on myself yet? Am i capable of doing this?
These are no doubt questions that you guys have struggled with at some point if you're in the process of WLS, and they're pretty healthy.
Of course, all of this positivity is in hindsight. When I realized I'd really have to do this two week diet and my eating habits were going to change so drastically overnight without the help of the surgery, I admit it: I PANICKED. On the way home from the surgeon's office, I stopped at my favorite chili dog place and ordered boldly like I had nothing to live for, no shame, I didn't even get it to go and pretend it was for two people. "Two foot longs with chili, onions, mustard - a diet coke, and a side of fries. I'll be in that booth. Thanks." I made it halfway through the second dog before I managed to shake myself out of my panicked eating and send this email to my personal nutritionist (who specializes in eating disorders):
Hi! So I just saw dr *** this afternoon and he thinks I should do a Liquid diet starting asap to make the procedure safer. I'm freaking out a little bit, I'm scared that I'll mess it up . I want to make the surgery safer, I'll do whatever it takes to reduce my chance of death/complications, but 20 minutes ago on the way back from his office, I just panicked super hard. I got hungry (physically) while I was at the dr office for longer than I thought, and afterwards I just drove straight to jack and Jill's. Ordered 2 foot longs and fries. Can't believe it but I already ate both the footlongs and now I feel like I can think again. I also feel incredibly gross, overly full, and ashamed because I knew going into the 2nd one that I wasn't actually hungry for it. The fries are going to go into the garbage at least.
I'm experiencing total lack of confidence that I can actually do the liquid diet for a week and half- and now I'm freaking out the I'm not going to be compliant on the post surgery diet. I really want this Nd I know I need this. I just don't know if I can, and I really need someone to tell me that I can do it. Sorry to sound crazy over email- I'm literally still sitting in jack and Jill's.
Met with D*** too and she said that I won't even feel hunger after the surgery And it's going to change my feelings about food. That sounds so freeing, but from where I'm sitting (at jack and Jill's) it's really hard to even imagine.
I'm starting the liquid diet tonight - Hell or high water.
So just wanted to drop you a line; having a pretty rough day. We can talk about it tomorrow.
Best,
SBB
The next day was a whole new day. I started the diet, and And I was able to stick with it. For two whole weeks! I truly surprised myself, and gained a crucial bump in self confidence right before the surgery. Heck yes. I can do this. I am capable of following my surgeon's plan.
Two Week "Liver Shrinking" Guidelines - Low carb, Low sugar protein drinks with at least 20 grams of protein 4 times a day, plus a simple lean protein dinner with as many steamed green veggies as I could handle. No sauces or condiments beyond salt and pepper.
I fell in love with these amazing organic protein drinks that fit every guideline of my surgeon's plan - and tasted a whole lot better than Boost. For dinner I usually made a couple pieces of grilled chicken with a mountain of green beans.
The next couple weeks went by incredibly fast, and before i knew it - it was Monday October 6, 6:00am and I weighed 306 lbs before going under the knife.
Surgery - BIG DAY :)
First, pre-op photos!
A very sweet nurse (clearly a morning person) took my husband and I to a private pre-surgery room where I changed and they verified all the details of the surgery and my medical history. They also gave me an acid reducer, a shot for blood clots, an IV of saline or whatever, and some fancy socks with tread.
Next thing I know, my eyes are closed and I'm sort of opening them and there's a lady telling me to wake up. Apparently satisfied that I'm alive and breathing on my own, they let me go back to sleep. And next thing I know - I'm waking up in a very nice private room with my husband by my side.
Day 2: They bring a PUPPY to my bed so I can pet it. Her name was Sophia and she was a labradoodle therapy dog. I can breathe without the nose oxygen thingie. Except later I take a nap and all the nurses come rushing in because I'm not getting enough oxygen, so they put the nose thing back in. :( They teach me how to empty and clean my drain with alcohol swabs.They forget to mention that I need to change the bandages daily once I get home, but I figured that out on my own later. Spend most of the day sleeping, walking with a nice lady named Wendy, and showing my mom how to put Real Housewives of New Jersey on my room tv. Then we get to do the barium swallow - which actually involved swallowing two weird liquids and two x-rays. Barium tasted like strawberry milk with chalk in it. I am leak free.
The next week kind of all blends together - with one overwhelming theme: My friends and family are amazing. Every day someone was there to walk with me or check in on me to make sure I was still breathing and moving. I still get a little emotional when i think about how great my girlfriends were - and how unexpected it was - I guess I never thought I deserved that much attention, but knowing that people cared about me made next couple weeks feel so much easier.
My Advice: Walking alone is a little scary after surgery. Get at least 3-4 walking buddies on call -Work around their schedule. But try to keep track of who is available, while being considerate of their schedule. It's great motivation - and if you have a dog, your buddy can walk the dog while you hobble alongside.
Now: 3 weeks post surgery
Well I've had to get my pain medication refilled 2 times - there's a stitch on my side that is incredibly painful if I overexert myself or try to use my abdominal muscles too much. Today I am pain-medication free for the first time, but by the time I get home tonight I'll probably need a little bit to help me sleep without pain.
Walking is my new favorite hobby. it's freakin' gorgeous outside, the leaves are changing and my neighborhood is fully Halloween'ed out. I bought new walking boots, and I'm getting between 2-3 miles a day- exploring parts of my neighborhood that I didn't even new existed. Even found a nicer walking route to work!
Hunger was nonexistent for the first 3 weeks. Now I'm starting to recognize when I need to eat. If I haven't had enough protein, my energy level plummets at about 6pm and I can't even think straight. But days like today, where I get in 40g of protein by lunchtime, I actually feel pretty great even at 6pm!
Now that I'm on pureed foods, getting in the protein is a lot easier. Pureed tuna and cottage cheese are my main methods of getting it now - So sick of protein powder and broth, but occasionally I have to still make a cup of hot chicken stock with Unjury Chicken Soup Flavored powder if my protein levels are low and I know I need to get something in me. And I discovered an easy way to mix up my Unjury Chicken Soups, by adding a little spoonful of pureed cannelloni beans with herbs and garlic to thicken and flavor. Scrambled eggs used to be one of my favorite foods - now they taste awful, so sadly not for me anymore.
Dumping: I've only had one bad reaction to food. Week 2, I tried some cream of celery soup and it ROCKED my guts. I was nauseated, bloated, grumbling, and shitting for 3 hours. I can't even look at canned soups anymore. it was disgusting, and I couldn't bring myself to eat anything but broth and water for the next 36 hours. I know it will happen again if I stray, so I'm almost glad it happened. I am walking the straight and narrow from now on. There's a tray of candy on the desk at the shop for halloween (ironically KitKats and reeses cups) and they hold zero appeal.
Not having hunger is absolutely FREEING. I am so happy I can't stop smiling. I feel like this huge weight has lifted off my shoulders, and while I know my hunger will come back sometime in the next six months to a year, I'm really enjoying this opportunity to live without my food preoccupation.
Weird Temperature Stuff: Sometimes after I eat I get freezing cold. My hands and my feet are literally cold to the touch, and I get the chills. I've been spending an hour after each meal snuggled under a blanket. Alternatively I walked to work today (3/4 mile) and while it's not the easiest walk - it's not like a march through Death Valley. Nevertheless now I can't seem to cool off! I've been here an hour and my skin is still hot. My face is so flushed that the mailman just asked if I have sunburn!
Highest Weight: 320
Weight at Surgery: 306
Current Weight: 287
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Waiting
Some days I am afraid of the surgery - dying on the table particularly - it seems unfathomable that I'm willingly cutting apart my organs. On those days, I cling to this melodramatic notion that I must make the last few days before my surgery more significant. I grieve for the last month that has slipped by so quietly.
Some days I am eager for the surgery - the relief of waking up and the metamorphosis that will surely follow - it seems like torture to wait any longer. I want to stamp and clench my fists with frustration as I try to control my eating alone. Evidently I want to live more than I want to not die.
----
The other night I video-chatted for a few hours with 6 or 7 illustrators that we've worked with or become friends with in the last few years. I was mortified by how I looked on the screen beside my peers. I nibbled and ate constantly, while they did not. Admittedly it was dinner time here, while they are scattered across different time zones. But I ate before and after consuming a large pastrami Reuben on screen, hoping that no one had my window fully open, watching my arms jiggle as I ate.
----
Lately I've been obsessing over a few things. With my 30th birthday tomorrow it feels like baby-crazies are sliding in just under the wire. For the last 4 days, I've been reading articles for new parents, watching videos on swaddling, and trying to learn as much about babies as I can. Standard SBB operating procedure: 1.) RESEARCH 2.) RESEARCH 3.)DO IT <-- this applies to everything from makeup, career changes, folding t-shirts, weddings, gastric bypass, and opening my own business. I love researching.
----
I'm worried that I'll still be ugly even after I lose the weight. I've never liked my nose. Maybe I'll like it better when my face is smaller. Can't really control my nose so I guess I'll just have to let that fear go for now. Maybe think about a nose job in 5 or 10 years. Is that crazy?
---
I'm less worried about the compulsive eating than I have been in a long time. I've made some big progress and had small backsliding, which is better than it's ever been. I'm starting to get back in touch with my body signals and my real hunger. A.M.was really proud of the work I've done, and said really nice things to me. Having someone say something nice about me with no "buts" and knowing that they mean it, and I might actually deserve praise... was new and overwhelming really. I teared up a bit.
We talked about how a lot of the criticism and self-hate uses language and ideas about my weight that I've picked up from other people. We talked about building some new mechanisms for dealing with the things other people say (other than stress-eating), and she said I need a "teflon shield" between what others say and what I believe about myself. Because ultimately I can't control what other people do, think, or say. But I can control how I filter that experience. The nerd that I am, I started immediately envisioning Sue Storm, the Invisible Woman - not her invisibility but those awesome force fields she throws up in defiance of whatever is attacking her.
In the center, Sue is safe. She can see outside, she can react to everything she needs to, but she is mostly untouched and in control. The shields aren't always up, but she's got them when she needs them.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Bento 001: Pre-Op Lunch Packing
Omg. I did it. My first bento. I couldn't wait until after surgery, I just had to give it a shot. Today's lunch is...
Top compartment (SNACKS): smoked string cheese, marinated egg, watermelon cut into little flower shapes
Bottom compartment (PROPER LUNCH) : Romaine Salad with Shrimp & marinated egg - with a little shaved red onion and a mini container of white wine vinegar.
As you can see I packed 2 eggs. - Mostly because I tried a new egg marinade last night, and it's absolutely PERFECT!
1/3 cup low sodium soy sauce
1 tbsp sriracha
1 tbsp elderflower jelly
You could make it with apricot, peach, or grape jelly. (not strawberry, blueberry, or raspberry) It adds a pop of natural sweetness that is a fantastic complement to the salty and spicy. The yolks are soft and gelled, not opaque and fully cooked. It's definitely my favorite part of this lunch box. I wish I had packed more of them - but that's head hunger, not physical hunger. Trying to get mentally used to smaller portions is really f*ing hard.
The salad looks pretty but the shrimp are kinda terrible. I bought them pre-cooked at Fresh Market and they taste dirty. Next time I'm doing it myself. Ugh. The rest at home are definitely going to be dog food. yuck. On the bright side, one of those little soy sauce containers held the perfect amount of vinegar for a light oil-free salad.
Verdict: Snack compartment was awesome, delicious, and I ate it too fast. Main lunch compartment was terrible thanks to bad shrimp - but improved with bonus egg. Didn't eat 70% of salad. C+
Top compartment (SNACKS): smoked string cheese, marinated egg, watermelon cut into little flower shapes
Bottom compartment (PROPER LUNCH) : Romaine Salad with Shrimp & marinated egg - with a little shaved red onion and a mini container of white wine vinegar.
As you can see I packed 2 eggs. - Mostly because I tried a new egg marinade last night, and it's absolutely PERFECT!
1/3 cup low sodium soy sauce
1 tbsp sriracha
1 tbsp elderflower jelly
You could make it with apricot, peach, or grape jelly. (not strawberry, blueberry, or raspberry) It adds a pop of natural sweetness that is a fantastic complement to the salty and spicy. The yolks are soft and gelled, not opaque and fully cooked. It's definitely my favorite part of this lunch box. I wish I had packed more of them - but that's head hunger, not physical hunger. Trying to get mentally used to smaller portions is really f*ing hard.
The salad looks pretty but the shrimp are kinda terrible. I bought them pre-cooked at Fresh Market and they taste dirty. Next time I'm doing it myself. Ugh. The rest at home are definitely going to be dog food. yuck. On the bright side, one of those little soy sauce containers held the perfect amount of vinegar for a light oil-free salad.
Verdict: Snack compartment was awesome, delicious, and I ate it too fast. Main lunch compartment was terrible thanks to bad shrimp - but improved with bonus egg. Didn't eat 70% of salad. C+
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Cool Gadgets #1
At just $19.99, this little fella is outstanding so far! Mr. SBB and I gave it a shot this morning and it works! We used it to make some soft cooked eggs (almost like a poached egg)- with no oil or butter. The whites were soft and creamy, and the yolk was properly soft cooked. The Dash is easy to clean, dishwasher safe, and can do everything from oil-free omelets to hardboiled eggs. Oh, and it comes in 5 adorable colors. I'm a little nervous about hard-boiled eggs, because i think they might be hard to peel because it's a "cold start" cooking method, but I'll let you know what happens when we try it!
We used some tasty l.o.f.r. eggs from Free Union Grass Farm. A dozen gorgeous lofr eggs for just $5.50! The yolks were a bright luscious yellow, and they tasted divine. I recommend finding the closest "grass farm" to your city and buying your eggs from them. Grass farms are modeled after Joel Salatin's Polyface farm in Swope, VA, and they've got sustainability and quality figured out!
Friday, August 22, 2014
Some old-ish photos
SBB - my last year of Culinary School
Ssion concert in Oakland
My favorite photo of me and Mr. SBB at a wedding a few years ago.
This was definitely my favorite hair color ever.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Nutritionist Today
I saw A.M. again this morning- she's a nutritionist that specializes in eating disorders so a lot of her work is more mental than just nutritional which is really amazing - everyone going through WLS should see someone like here IMO.
I told her of my over-coming McDonalds temptation accomplishment and how I've been trying to reduce my baseline anxiety by tackling problems that I've been avoiding (bookkeeper, electrician, paying bills, etc). So things started on a pretty upbeat note, but when we started to get into the eating that I'm still struggling with- I started to get tears in my eyes, admitting to her that Kathy and I have been working on some of my self-loathing/self-disgust stuff. Then she asked a question that literally left me at a loss for words for a few moments.
"Do you think you deserve this (meaning weight loss and improving my relationship with food)?"
I couldn't say "Yes." I don't believe I deserve any of the good things in my life - the things I've done for myself or the things that have happened to me. I started to have a total panic spiral sitting on the couch in the nutritionist's office.
After about 10 seconds of silence (which is forever), while I mulled the question over, something in me that I didn't even know was there, sparked up. Instead of saying, "No" and wallowing in misery, I found these words coming out of my mouth with more force than I'd intended.
"I want this."
Just like that I bypassed the ideas of good and bad, worthiness and unworthiness that have haunted my attitudes towards weight. I WANT THIS. I've never said that before. I'd never even had that thought about WLS before. I want this. I want this. I want this.
She smiled and looked relieved. "That is enough." Finally, something in my head is working for me, and not against me.
After that she advised me to explore exactly what it is I want. Make a dream board. Think about what I want to achieve. Not what I deserve or what I should want. what I actually want. Even if its shallow or temporary - it's something to hold onto. Something to which I can give power, instead of food.
Today is my day off, and I'm gonna dream-board all day!
I told her of my over-coming McDonalds temptation accomplishment and how I've been trying to reduce my baseline anxiety by tackling problems that I've been avoiding (bookkeeper, electrician, paying bills, etc). So things started on a pretty upbeat note, but when we started to get into the eating that I'm still struggling with- I started to get tears in my eyes, admitting to her that Kathy and I have been working on some of my self-loathing/self-disgust stuff. Then she asked a question that literally left me at a loss for words for a few moments.
"Do you think you deserve this (meaning weight loss and improving my relationship with food)?"
I couldn't say "Yes." I don't believe I deserve any of the good things in my life - the things I've done for myself or the things that have happened to me. I started to have a total panic spiral sitting on the couch in the nutritionist's office.
After about 10 seconds of silence (which is forever), while I mulled the question over, something in me that I didn't even know was there, sparked up. Instead of saying, "No" and wallowing in misery, I found these words coming out of my mouth with more force than I'd intended.
"I want this."
Just like that I bypassed the ideas of good and bad, worthiness and unworthiness that have haunted my attitudes towards weight. I WANT THIS. I've never said that before. I'd never even had that thought about WLS before. I want this. I want this. I want this.
She smiled and looked relieved. "That is enough." Finally, something in my head is working for me, and not against me.
After that she advised me to explore exactly what it is I want. Make a dream board. Think about what I want to achieve. Not what I deserve or what I should want. what I actually want. Even if its shallow or temporary - it's something to hold onto. Something to which I can give power, instead of food.
Today is my day off, and I'm gonna dream-board all day!
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