I'm fat.
It's okay. I can say "fat." I can even say it out loud. In front of other people.
I started saying it two years ago. Before that, when other people used to say, "You're not that big," it made me feel all flushed and angry. My IQ is 147, and I own a mirror. You don't have to do me the favor of pretending I'm not fat.
Nobody says that anymore - not since I passed the 300lb mark. They just made those sounds ("tch" "wep" or "naaah") that people make when they don't want to lie unconvincingly. Now I feel like I have to pro-actively declare my fatness - just to spare friends and strangers the agony of figuring out what to say when I can't fit in a restaurant booth, when I broke that chair, when I get winded from a short walk, when I have the audacity to have a normal sized husband.
Most people are decent human beings. Not terrific, not saints - but decent enough that they're not pointing and staring at the fat woman.
Many people are amazing and accepting without reservations.
My husband is one of them.
A small minority of people are total fucking assholes.
That group of teenagers who started laughing and singing "all that junk inside that trunk" when I passed them on the sidewalk. Assholes. Their parents walking behind them who joined in? Double-Assholes.
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The purpose of this post is not to make any statement about fat shaming, body positivity, adipositivity, or any tumblr buzzwords. I just want to make it clear that I am conscious of my size. I know what other people think about it (good and bad). It would be disingenuous for me to say that I don't care about what other people think. I do care. Whether or not people are assholes - I don't want to be laughed at.
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